To Wonder
by vreemdleven
Summary: One should wonder how it feels, what is it like to be a shadow of someone. (Yamanbagiri Chougi, Yamanbagiri Kunihiro. Juurakutei Event spoilers.)


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Notes:

I wanna wait for more info coming yet but I probably wont ever get this done if I wait. This is just things I blurted out when I have the desire to get up my bed.

It's Yagen just because he's my captain in the Juurakutei tantouwames team (and the fact that he's my fav up there with Manba) lol. It's "Yama-nii" because me & my friend call my Manba that.

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 **To Wonder**

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The first thing that gave it away for them was, of course, that menacing, hiding-even-more-what's-beneath-it cloak, that their starter had on him for a long time before his recent journey.

It wasn't dirty, it wasn't rugged on the edges, but being around their current citadel attendant, and calling him 'big brother' (courtesy of Akita. Bless that boy), even _Gotou_ would notice the similiarities. Yet, they shoved it out their minds. People who wore those kind of thing, well, weren't many, but to associate that particular piece of clothing with every Yamanbagiri around was too much of a stretch, wasn't it? Anyway, what were the odds those two would be doning the same style?

( _"I want to grow up to be a strong and beautiful sword like you_!" A long time ago, a little 'boy' said, playing hide and seek under the piece of cloth the older man always wore. But none of the tantous could know that. Actually, not even the two involved remember it clearly, it's just some kind of a hazy memory, a beautiful dream and a nightmare at the same time.)

He's a Touken Danshi. That much was as clear as a day for them as fellow tsukumogami. There was no way their Saniwa could be sure, but there was also no way the General would not have the suspicions. Yama-nii was their first sword, one of those who were closest to the Saniwa, who was very protective of him. Sure, their Master wouldn't bring home someone who would made his long-awaited change of heart, from a cold and solitary Manba-chan to a confident, self-assured Yamanbagiri Kunihiro? Brought back his insecurities?

(But Yagen knew for sure, no need to wonder, like the fact that the guy was certainly the original Yamanbagiri, that for his General, beside the fact that some more helping hands would always very much welcomed in their lengthy war against Time Reterograde, being around the Saniwa all these time, trained like hell to satisfy his own bloodlust and protective side, how ruthless, yet kind, their Saniwa could be when it comes to something that considered for their own sake.)

It's a series of long battles, taking even more time than some of the longer expeditions, but they managed. It was not even as disastrous as expected. Whatever would happen now to that timeline, the Government was the one in charge now. Their job was done. Mission accomplished. Finally, home.

Yamanbagiri Chougi, who had no place to come back to, was invited. They still didn't know what happened with the citadel he came from. Chougi refused to tell anyone.

(One should wonder what must become of it. Of course, like everyone, Yagen wonders. None of them were good scenarios, as all could see. Having brothers, friends, and even himself, wrecked over and over by human foolishness was one thing. Having all of them and their beloved shared General, along with their entire history, broken beyond repair at once as a cruel dice roll of fate, with only you left to survive, was another thing altogether.)

When they finally brought him to the citadel's walls, welcomed him as one of them, one would expect around two scenarios between the two Yamanbagiris.

For the best result, Chougi would act like his big brother of sort, reminiscing their short time spent together, reassuring him that yes, he's his own person.

What really happened, was apparently nearing the worst result. Nearing, because contrary to people might expect, Yamanbagiri Kunihiro did not bat an eye about the rejection. Instead, he gave Chougi a inviting hand.

(One would wonder if that was the end of the rope, the worst insult, for the Original who's forgotten by Time.)

Of course, they look very much alike at a first glance. But they acted differently, sounded differently, and those colors didn't help matters. While looking at their Yama-nii, with that bright hair and outfit of his, would give you the feeling of looking at a blooming sunflower field under a bright sunny day. Chougi's on the other hand, was more like you were looking at fresh fallen snow under a cloudy sky.

Their personalities, tough, a vice versa of what people would usually imagine those impressions would correspond. Chougi, after no longer needed to act all secretive and hid under that cloak (which was, ironically, very much like the thing that for a long time, made Yamanbagiri Kunihiro Yamanbagiri Kunihiro) and silky smooth voice and warm disposition of his, was actually proud and quite a brag, almost too much so, a thing that you would never associate with the solemn, too-modest-for-his-own-good Yamanbagiri Kunihiro, even after his journey.

(Of course, being around Tsurumaru and all his fellow misleading-personality tsukumogamis, made Yagen sort of immune to those kind of stereotypes.)

He could be very disdainful, even more so around Yama-nii. Especially around him. Heck, one could say he was being like that only around Yamanbagiri Kunihiro.

Mitsutada's exasperated expression whenever he catch the venom in Chougi's quips. So was Sohayanotsurugi's whenever he called Yamanbagiri 'a fake' in one of their sorties. Nansen's innocent, obtuse questions. Ookanehira, brash yet surprisingly aware he is, once got fed up and called Chougi out, yet apparently nothing come out of it.

Horikawa's cold glances towards him.

Mitsutada's smile when Chougi offered to help him wash the dishes. When he said to Ookanehira that he doesn't care about Tenka Goken title because it didn't measure a sword's worth. When once the Saniwa appointed him as the attendant and did his jobs flawlessly. Yamabushi's invitation to train together, which was accepted (one would wonder if it's just an excuse to kill him, but everybody knew Yamabushi isn't that petty, probably), and 'talk about Buddha's teachings and their shared bother', which was politely denied.

An admirable man, worthy of everyone's approval, if it's not for his childish issues around certain someone. A certain someone who was looked up by everyone.

When those two fought together, two matching swords dances beautifully, shone under the sun, bathed with the enemies' blood and carcasses and took their breaths away.

(One musn't be able to wonder, how it feels.)

Usual Mikazuki, with his all-knowing smile of his. Mikazuki Munechika and Yamanbagiri Kunihiro, at their usual porch in the middle of the night, warm tea cups in hand. Long talks about anything and everything, probably wasn't even about Chougi at all.

Tsurumaru doesn't think its a big deal, his whimsical self going around the citadel, screaming "Trick or Treat!" at everyone's ears which was late one month, giving away candies to the tantous. His wise ass, older brother-like self is still there too, like he's telling everyone who left wondering, everything is okay. So everything would be really okay, right? He should know. For a long time, more people saw his copy more than himself after all.

One would wonder, did he hold it against the Yamanbagiri Kunihiro of the previous citadel too? Was he even there? Was Yamanbagiri Kunihiro from the cursed timeline commiting such a sin to him that made him feel like saying 'you are not worthy of what you have here'?

(One should wonder how it feels, what is like to be a shadow of someone, in which everything you had is not actually yours, everything you had, your name, you accomplishments, your entire existence, was someone else's, one that could be claimed back by that person, just like that. What was the meaning of your existence? What's the point? Yet, after many, too much questioning, you managed to found the answer. The long awaited answer that ends your pain.)

(One should wonder how it feels, what is it like to be a shadow of someone, someone that should be YOUR shadow, someone you would have acknowledge if that certain someone didn't make you questioning your place in this life. In every lives. Someone who forces you to pretend. Is this how much it hurts, to had everything you have, your name, your accomplishments, your entire existance, stolen from you by someone? Maybe, just maybe, you would be able to find the answer. Maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to forgive. Maybe, just maybe, you could find your true place in this life. In time. In this lifetime.)

Yet, one could only wonder.

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Notes:

Of course it would end clumsily cos I wrote this for my fellow Yagen Saniwa friend when I:

1\. Doesnt even get pass that bridge in Juurakutei yet. I only know the bits of him from Twitter and its very scarce infos.  
2\. I cant even English right & need my friend as a beta reader.  
3\. Have exam week next week and havent studied.  
4\. Haven't write anything for like one year and havent read something that isnt my textbooks in like months.

Or maybe if I got the inspiration, know more of their dynamics, and have more headcanons of them, I could probably make chapter 2 that's more from the Yamanbagiris or a proper Yagen's POV...

Thanks to ryokiku for the feedback and beta-ing this!

Anybody who read this, thank you anyway haha~

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